LAST WEEK’S WINNER
John Banks of Wichita, Kansas , was randomly chosen last week’s $25 winner with the correct answer to the question: Where did the cheese and crackers come from? Ans: The ice chest.
“Bill, wake up! There’s someone out there.”
“Wa … what?”
Bridget shook me. Hard.
“I said,” she hissed, “there’s someone out there.”
I reached from my sleeping bag to unzip the tent.
A gun cocked near my ear.
I whirled.
“Holy, shit! What are you doing with that?”
Feet shuffled in the leaves outside. Something fell with the sound of spilled ice cubes.
“Go ahead. Open it,” she ordered.
My heart banged like it wanted to get out. I whispered, “Someone’s probably stealing our binoculars from the table. Stay still and he’ll leave.”
“Those cost me two hundred bucks! Unzip the damn thing.”
“Not if you’re going to shoot him.”
She reached out and yanked the zipper up.
“Holy Mary and Josephine,” she said under her breath. “What is it?”
“A bear,” I said. “Don’t shoot it.”
“What’s it ripping?”
I squinted. “Your coat.”
“My coat! That cost me a hundred bucks!”
“Don’t worry. I’ll buy you a new one.”
“He’s tearing it to shreds!”
“It’s not because he doesn’t like it. He probably smells food. Did you leave something in a pocket?”
“No. I … Oh, shit! The leftover candy bar from yesterday.”
The bear stuffed something in his mouth, dropped the jacket, stepped across the toppled ice chest, and fled into the night.
“Can you holster your gun now? Please.”
“Suppose he comes back?”
“Why would he? We’re out of food.”
“She pulled three candy bars from her purse. “Not quite.”
Oh, shit!
Next Week: Bonding with Bridget
ENTER DRAWING AND WIN $25! In the above story, how much did Bridget’s coat cost? SEE FORM BELOW.
IF YOU’RE ENJOYING these goofy blogs, share them with friends (or, heck, anybody). There’s a new one each week (until I run out of drugs, girlfriends, and wives.)
YOU ALSO MIGHT LIKE MY BOOKS: billbrier.com/books/
THE DEVIL ORDERS TAKEOUT — Award-winning thriller (that Scooby loved).
(Buy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, BAM, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play, Audible)
THE KILLER WHO HATED SOUP — Award-winning mystery (that Scooby really loved).
(Buy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, Kobo, Google Play, Smashwords, Audible)
THE KILLER WHO WASN’T THERE — Award-winning mystery (that Scooby’s still reading).
(Coming February 24th. Preorder now! Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, BAM)