Brier Patch #28: Wife Number Four … Match.Com

Joe Fleeburn of Kansas City, Kansas, was randomly chosen last week’s $25 winner with the correct answer to the question: What did Cindy say to Bill’s proposal? Ans: Maybe.

I opened my email and saw Joann’s picture.

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, there! Wait a minute. I’d been fooled before using dating services. Upon meeting one woman, I said, “You’re hair’s different than in your picture.” I wanted to add, the one taken fifty years ago!

Let’s face it, everybody over forty fudges a few years—but decades?

Joann and I had followed normal online-dating protocol.

Step one … Learn the following:

1. GEOGRAPHY: Able to visit one another by car without stopping at rest stations along the way. (Brier Patch 23)
2. DEPENDENTS: Few with four legs, none with two (under college age).
3. LIKES TO TRAVEL: Yes/No. If yes, bonus points if financially secure.

Results

Geography: hop, skip, and a jump away.

Dependents: one dog—small. One cat—huge.

Travel: yes. Bonus points: yes!

Step two

Telephone call.

Results

Great voice. Laughs easily. No minuses.

Step three 

Meet in neutral zone. Starbucks.

By this stage the halo effect had me like a new Ferrari. So what if we had a few minor differences. She disliked riding in fast cars. So did wives one and two. She was a Republican. So was my mother. She watched sitcoms. So did … Sitcoms!

No matter. I reined in my biases. And definitely kept my trap shut about the wild times with Fran, Susan, Anita, Lucy, and Terry. Wives one and three would be okay. Although the high marriage count might be a negative.

“Ah, so you liked Reagan,” I said, raising my coffee cup in salute and forcing a smile. “Definitely more popular than Carter. And, hey, the sitcom, Everybody Loves Raymond won lots of awards.”

Our first date was July 4, 2003 at the Hollywood Bowl. By that time we had confessed our true marriage count—three and three—and our true ages.

During the rocket’s red glare, I placed my hand beside hers and, with my usual tact, blurted, “Look, identical sixty-year-old hands.” She smacked my leg and laughed.

Now, after all these years, we’re in love as ever. But, alas, still without a certain piece of paper (see video link below).

https://www.dropbox.com/s/0arbcw71i24bs3q/BLOG%2028%20Bill%20Proposes%20to%20Joann.mp4?dl=0 

Next Week: Scammer the Scammer.

 

 

IF YOU’RE ENJOYING these goofy blogs, share them with friends (or, heck, anybody). There’s a new one each week (until I run out of drugs, girlfriends, and wives.)

 

YOU ALSO MIGHT LIKE MY BOOKS: billbrier.com/books/

THE DEVIL ORDERS TAKEOUT — Award-winning thriller (that Scooby loved).
(Buy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, BAM, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play, Audible)

THE KILLER WHO HATED SOUP — Award-winning mystery (that Scooby really loved).
(Buy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, Kobo, Google Play, Smashwords, Audible)

THE KILLER WHO WASN’T THERE — Award-winning mystery (that Scooby’s still reading).
(Now available! Buy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, BAM)