Oh, Michael, my darling sweetheart,
You have made me so happy. I was just walking out the door on my way to
Mojave to partake of the waters but I quickly checked my email and
there you were. Don’t worry your pretty little cerebral cortex about
the costs you’ve had to lay out…we’ll take care of that I promise.
Oil it is! I’m canceling by Venezuela oil deal because I’d rather do a
joint venture with you – besides, your setup is even better. That’s
incredible that you have contact with a diplomat in the Nigerian
embassy. That is perfect my pudden nose. He’s exactly who we need to
implement a fantastic plan. (For security reasons let’s code name our
enterprise “XX”). Believe me my lolly-pop we are going to make an
incredible amount of money.
The fact that you have a cousin who’s a diplomat in Nigeria is absolutely remarkable.
Things could not be better (for security reasons let’s code name your cousin “Kimbuwee”).
Call Kimbuwee immediately and see if he’s able to make contact with a
guy named Alhaji Dokubo Asair. He’s a warlord in the oil city of PORT
HARCOURT and we will need to pay him off. Our plan is to rent an oil
tanker from U-Haul, sneak in during the dead of night, and fill it up
with off-shore oil. (Rent for one of those boats the size of a lake
will cost more than a million dollars!) We’ll pay off Asair who will
protect us with his automatic weapons and rocket launchers against the
likes of evil mercenaries hired by Royal Dutch/Shell. We may have to
pay off a few government officials too. Kimbuwee should check that out.
We’re going to snatch a few million barrels of oil right under their
noses and make a ton of money. Have Kimbuwee contact Asair and find out
how much money he’ll require for the protection we’ll need. Meanwhile
I’ll contact my man (code named “Daffy Duck”) in Hong Kong to get
things going with the tanker and other necessities.
Michael, my honey pot, we’ll be in the oil export business as fast as
you can say XX. I must run my dear, George has been waiting for me in
the car. I must remember to tell you about finding the dead dog napper
next time. Also, you never said whether or not I should go on the Jay
Leno show with Kuma. Maybe it’s too much exposure at this time???
Bye my rich partner and lover (I hope).
-Kiss, kiss – hugzies, hugzies, Martha
NEXT: Martha continues to line up her ducks for the big sting.
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