MARTHA:
Hello my Darling Sweetheart,
Please write to me – I need you now more than ever. I’ll explain.
One week after Kuma’s abduction and recovery Beverly Hills detectives
Joe Friday and Maxwell Smart came by the house and informed me that
they found the dog- napper dead in his sleazy Handcock Park apartment.
The ransom money was hidden under a loose floorboard in the basement.
Johny Dollar, a drifter and two bit hustler living always on the edge,
looking for the next big score, was the culprit.
The landlady, living upstairs, told the cops she heard sounds of
gurgling, splashing and constant toilet flushing during the night. It
turns out Dollar had stuck his head in the toilet to get as much water
as possible into his rapidly dehydrating body.
The cops explained that the fool had eaten poisoned cookies that not
only dehydrated him but fried his brain as well. (Good riddance – no
more dog-napping for him). On hearing this I was so shocked that I
fainted right there in my own living room (being careful not to bump my
head on the coffee table when falling).
After I recovered the cops informed me that the napper had in fact been
murdered by the poisoned cookies and they were quite curious about
where the cookies came from…in other words, “who done it?”
Naturally, I had no way of knowing myself. I mean, how in the world
would I know? I’m just a woman. (So was Barbara Stanwick, but never
mind that).
To make a long story short, I am a suspect. Can you believe that my
dear heart? Why I never in my life! Anyway, I have excellent lawyers
(male lawyers.) who will get me off the hook. Johnny Cochran is famous
for seeing that guilty people go free.
Remember my dingle berry love, this too is to be a secret. Shee. don’t
tell a sole. I love you my dear – PLEASE, PLEASE write. I so
desperately need your support. I’ll do ANYTHING you ask…just write.
Kiss-kiss, hug-hug, smooch-smooch, Your Martha
MARTHA:
Hello my Darling Sweetheart,
Please write to me – I need you now more than ever. I’ll explain.
One week after Kuma’s abduction and recovery Beverly Hills detectives
Joe Friday and Maxwell Smart came by the house and informed me that
they found the dog- napper dead in his sleazy Handcock Park apartment.
The ransom money was hidden under a loose floorboard in the basement.
Johny Dollar, a drifter and two bit hustler living always on the edge,
looking for the next big score, was the culprit.
The landlady, living upstairs, told the cops she heard sounds of
gurgling, splashing and constant toilet flushing during the night. It
turns out Dollar had stuck his head in the toilet to get as much water
as possible into his rapidly dehydrating body.
The cops explained that the fool had eaten poisoned cookies that not
only dehydrated him but fried his brain as well. (Good riddance – no
more dog-napping for him). On hearing this I was so shocked that I
fainted right there in my own living room (being careful not to bump my
head on the coffee table when falling).
After I recovered the cops informed me that the napper had in fact been
murdered by the poisoned cookies and they were quite curious about
where the cookies came from…in other words, “who done it?”
Naturally, I had no way of knowing myself. I mean, how in the world
would I know? I’m just a woman. (So was Barbara Stanwick, but never
mind that).
To make a long story short, I am a suspect. Can you believe that my
dear heart? Why I never in my life! Anyway, I have excellent lawyers
(male lawyers.) who will get me off the hook. Johnny Cochran is famous
for seeing that guilty people go free.
Remember my dingle-berry love, this too is to be a secret. Shee. don’t
tell a sole. I love you my dear – PLEASE, PLEASE write. I so
desperately need your support. I’ll do ANYTHING you ask…just write.
Kiss-kiss, hug-hug, smooch-smooch, Your Martha
_____________________________
NEXT: The Last Chapter.