Scamming the Scammer – Chapter 10


Hello my dearest Martha,
i am in reciept of your mail and i will want you to follow my
instructions carefully to enable you fill the form required in setting
up the account needed for us to effect the transfer.

when you punch,you will see the home will now
have to click on “opening instant account”,you will see account opening will have to fill the form as it is there and when you get to
type of account you want to open,leave it as you see it.when this is
done you can now go ahead to submit the form.

i believe you will definetely hear from the bank when this is done.take
care sweetie pie get back to you asap.

your darling Michael Thomas esq.


Hello my darling Martha,

i haven’t heard from you and my heart aches when i don’t get to see
your sweet is Kuma?well i have everything now in place to
round off this transfer and the only problem we are currently facing is
to setup the account needed to effect the transfer.

What is your present situation,did you follow my instructions as i
outlined it for you?have you filled out the form?if yes,has the bank
replied you?

please get back to your dearie so i can have cause to smile again.i
miss you so much.

Your darling Michael Thomas esq.


Hello my darling Martha,

First I sincerely want to apologize for the condition of my mail box,
infact I have decided that all further correspondence between the two
of us should done with this new email address, I can guarantee that I
will recieve any email you send to me and I will respond immediately,
you can be rest assured.

My dearie,if you have sent me any mail to the previous box after August
1 then i can assure that it wasn;t recieved by me.

Honey was going on with the account you are suppose to open,has it been
open? How is Kuma,hope he is doing good.i just bought a puppy dubberman
today and its so beautiful.

my dearie,lets get to business so we can be true in the next couple of
days.kisses and hugs to you.

Your Darling Michael Thomas esq


Hello my wonderful God given Gum Drop,

Oh Phooey! Another delay all because of an email screw up…no fault of
yours my cute little dicky-do. I do look forward to your sweet, kind,
love filled emails my darling.

Thank you so much for thinking of my beloved Kuma. And hey, how about
you getting a Dubberman puppy! I’ve always loved Dubberman’s. I’ll bet
Kuma and little Dubberman would get along splendidly. Let’s do a
foursome. How about If I book a tea time at the L.A. Country Club?

Below is the email I sent to your old address yesterday. Please write
back soon so that we may proceed with all these good adventures we have
planned. You still make me tingle down to my toeses and places in the
middle. Giggle, giggle.

Here’s yesterdays email:

Hello my Sugar Plum Fairy,

Oh Michale I do enjoy receiving your kind sweet notes. They remind me
so of those early days of puppy love. I tingle when ever I think of you
– you big Kryptonite hunk.

I was so tired yesterday after getting my tummy tuck and (tushie rub
that I neglected to mention) that the thought of filling out a form was
just too much. Kind of like doing taxes or filling out ax-murder
investigation forms that the Beverly Hills law enforcement officials require of
us elderly females here on the hill.

Ever since that awful Bobbit woman cut off her husbands you-know-what
everyone’s watching us carefully and inventorying our knifes. Anyway,
enough of that and back to us.

I was going to apply to the bank today but I suddenly remembered that
you never responded to my request to increase my percentage to 40% If
you love me like I love you my dipsey-do you’ll be happy to make me

Good night my mighty warrior. Off to riches!

Kiss-hug-squeeze, Martha.



Hello my smashing beauty,

i really did like to taste your Amadillo soup it did be a wonderful

idea i should guess.i will now start looking forward to having a taste

of your lovely soup.

Talking about your percentage,you guessed right.It was the female

attorney i hired that calculated the figures wrongly and i was never

aware that there was a short fall in you percentage.i sincerly

apologize for that mistake,it wasn’t my fault.

i decided to use alpine trust because is of the same telex type as my

bank and any transfer from my bank to alpine trust will be seen as an

in house transfer and the money will hit the account in 2-3hrs after we

effect the transfer from my are to open the NOW Checking


Dearie you are to fill the form and submit it while they process your that i have clarified the air i should guess that we

can now be lovey-dovey again.

Your darling Michael Thomas esq.



Hi my pumpkin face,

It sounds like you’re starting to feel better and I’m so glad. Didn’t I

tell you about women attorneys? Didn’t I? They’re all devious and can’t

be trusted.

I must say Michael that her error caused quite a stir within me

emotionally. I lost sleep and tossed and turned all night worrying

about what that means to US…thinking I was being cheated and such.

I’m happy that all is now well between us and I know you’ll agree that

due to all of my mental anguish it’s only fair that my percentage be

doubled and increased to 40%. I’m sure you agree, don’t you


I tried to open the bank account today but could not find the kind of

account you instructed me to open. No problem however, my dumkouf

because I wrote them and asked for clarification (I’m not sure my email

went through to them but it’s enclosed below for you to gander). Let’s

get this show on the road and become rich!

Hug-hug, squeeze-squeeze, kiss-kiss, martha

Email I sent to Alpine Trust:



Dear Sir:

I would like to open a “NOW Checking account” with your institution. A

business associate and I will be making a rather LARGE deposit of

several million u.s. dollars. I didn’t see the “NOW Checking account” on

your list of account options, please advise.

Sincerely, Martha M. Stuartt

P.S. All business and correspondences must be kept in strict





And how is my Sweet Pea today?

I am so happy. I just returned from two gorgeous days at the beach in

Santa Barbara with my youngest daughter. I had a facial and complete

body make over. I also got a quickie tummy tuck too. Everything was

delightful – wanta see a picture?  I look like I’m back in my thirties

again…well, almost.

I don’t know what’s going on with Alpine Trust. I tried to send them

that email I showed you but it wouldn’t go through. I get a message

saying Error:/bad/no recipient. What does that mean? This computer

stuff is just beyond me Michael. Why don’t you figure it out for me and

tell me what account to open? I think that’s the best way to handle


It’s nappy-wappy time for me now my cute little teddy bear and I must

run. I eagerly await your reply.

Kiss, kiss Martha

Scamming the Scamming – Chapter 8


Oh Michael I’m so excited about our venture (or should I say

adventure?) together. Having our little secret makes my toes-es tingle

with excitement…such as with terminal frostbite.

Just in case you’re up to the trip to Reykjavik I’ve booked a suite in

the Esja Hotel for the weekend. We’ll dine in the famous Frigate Gullet

restaurant where the waiters wear plastic Viking hats. We’ll feast on

barbecued suckling pig (you get to eat the apple) and spitted mountain

lamb, washed down with what’s called Viking’s blood (cognac and urine

smelling smelt). I’ll wear my samite evening dress and it’s okay for

you to wear cutoffs and be shirtless (though we’ll have to shave your


It will be divine my darling pussy face. We’ll dance the night away to

the music of Conway Twitty. Don’t worry about my not having proper

papers, I have connections in Iceland with people in the fifth column.

I must scoot now my sweet chickadee. When I return from my face

pampering and tushie stroking I’ll open the account as you instructed.

Until then, Au Reviour, Martha




Hello my dearest Martha,

i am also very excited about our venture,my heart joys whenever i see

your mail.for my dearie,i can’t leave the office until i finally round

up this transaction so i am very sorry to turn down your sweet

offer.going with you to Reykjavik would have been very very lovely but

leaving my office now is totally ruled out.

if i may ask,when do you hope to return?how is my lovely Kuma?i

earnestly await to see a beautiful mail from you.

Your darling Michael Thomas esq.



Hi sugar pussy cat with cute little fur balls,

My Poor baby, how is your flu? I wish I was with you to feed you some

of my famous road whacked armadillo soup and give you lots and lots of

TLC with tushie squeezes.

Don’t you worry your pretty little chinnie chin chin about not going to

Reykjavik. The trip would be too strenuous for you now (When we meet I

want you in tip-top shape…ready for romping and rolling in the hey –

as they say). Naturally I won’t be going without you my sweet pee-pod.

I looked at Alpine Trust and am confused about which account to open

up. I think we should open a Bank by Wire account that way you can

simply deposit the 10.2m dollars directly into the account. Simple as

taking candy from a baby crocodile’s mouth…I think that’s what you


That reminds me Michael – sugar pussy – in looking over the figures you

submitted I’m wondering who did your calculations. I’ll bet it was that

woman attorney you had working for you…that no good retromingent! If

so you can tell her for me that she can jump in the lake if she thinks

I can be duped into accepting her figures.

Is somebody trying to cheat me Michale? You said that I will get 20% of

10.2m usd and that comes to 2.04 NOT 2.02 as stated on page two of your

prospectus. I am not stupid, but I AM insulted and I would like an

immediate clarification and explanation as to why I’m being cheated on

our deal.

I’m sorry to be so gruff and lash out with my catty fangs but I’m a

fair, honest and trustworthy person and I hope you are being honest

with me as well because I would be crushed like a possum under the

wheels of an eighteen wheeler if you were attempting to deceive me.

Please write soon so we can clear this up and be lovey-dovey again.

Smoochie kissie, Martha